Chapter 12

TWELVE

As soon as she closed the door of her own room behind her she covered her face in her hands as if she was ashamed to show the world that she smiled. She knew she had been completely reckless, again, but it had never felt so good before. As she passed a mirror in her room she held still for a second to get confronted with her own image again. Her hair was tangled, her lips slightly red and bruised and her eyes wild. She pulled her top over her head and tossed it on the made bed. She smelled after sex and she knew that the staff would kill her if they’d see her like that. Then she chuckled and shook her head. “Jesus, focus Georgia,” she spoke to herself. She knew that Lodinski would kill her if she was going to be any later than she already was. She had to be at the venue in exactly five minutes and she was never going to make it. But even though she wasn’t ready for so much action yet she forced herself to get dressed. She put on clean underwear, white sparkling tights and a lilac leotard. Even though all she wanted to do was take a long shower to wash him away, there simply was no time so she had to make the best of it. She brushed her hair and put it in a bun on top of her head. As she walked around to pack her bag and to search for her leather jacket, she noticed she was feeling slightly sore. They sure got a little carried away last night and even just a few hours ago. But what was he doing to her mind?

Ten minutes later she ran down the stairs and as she walked around the corner she literally almost ran in to one of his band mates. The guitarist. She barely looked at him as he told her sorry and hello. “No, I’m sorry,” she said and continued her run down the stairs while she wondered what he would have said if he knew anything about her night. When she arrived in the lobby she stopped at the reception desk and said she needed a cab. “There are two cabs waiting in front of the hotel, I’m sure one of them will be very willing to help you out.” She nodded and thanked him.

***

“Well, well, well… look who decided to gladden us with a minute of her time,”  Lodinski’s voice cut right through her and she exchanged a glance with Yasmin. Her friend looked confused. Georgia threw her bag in a corner after she got her pointes out and sat down on the floor to put them on. She stretched and bend her feet and saw how Lodinski approached her. She didn’t dare to look up. Not because she was afraid of him but scared of what he would see in her eyes. “I’m sorry I’m late,” she said, almost in a whisper.

“Oh I know you are,” he said and she was glad when he started to walk away again while he gave her orders. She knew he was angry, or disappointed at least, and she didn’t know what was worse.

As she walked to the barre she passed Yasmin. “Where the hell have you been, I called you like a thousand times.” Georgia knew that was true. On her way over in the cab she finally found time to check her phone and that was about the amount of missed calls she had from Yasmin, plus about 36 from Lodinski, but when she tried to call him them to let him know she was on her way he didn’t answer. At that point she realised that Lodinski would not be happy to see her. Before she could answer Yasmin now, Lodinski interrupted them. “Miss Yasmin Carter, I don’t think you want to talk to Miss Wilde at the moment, she had a lot to make up for.”

Georgia closed her eyes for a second but instead of feeling regret or sorry she saw his face and it sent shivers down her spine. As she started dancing she felt the soreness again. She couldn’t remember he being that rough, but then again, it had been ages since she had spent a night like this with a man. And she had never been able to enjoy it as much as she did now. So her body was probably just as shocked as her mind and heart.

“What the fuck is wrong with you today, you run in late, barely apologise and can’t even stick your leg in the air properly…” he said and pushed her leg up further without any warning. He saw the pain on her face. “You might as well go back to the hotel and punish your unprofessional behaviour.” He spoke loudly to make sure everyone could hear and she hated him.

“It’s your ballet, Lodinski. You could fire me, but that’s not what this is about because you know you can’t even risk to lose me.” She replied and he chuckled. That was the weird thing about that man, he loved when she talked like that and he also knew she was right.

“There’s the Georgia I know. C’mon raise that leg.”

As Georgia walked to her bag when the day was finally over and pulled at the silk straps on her pointes she heard that Yasmin was following her. “So, are you ever going to tell me the reason for almost screwing up? Because let’s face it… you can’t ever, not really. I swear that if that had been me I’d be on my way home right now.” The worst thing was that Georgia knew she was right.

“No,” she just answered and lifted her bag over  her shoulder.

“No? That’s it? But I’m your best friend and I deserve to know.”

“If you really are you should know that if it was really important, I would tell you. Just trust me already, seriously Yas, I’m just really tired.”

Yasmin rolled her eyes, insulted and walked away. Georgia didn’t care. It was wrong to lie, but then again, the truth was worse.

***

During the day Jon could still feel her lips on his, her hands against his back, he could still hear her. And no matter how hard he tried to wash it away, he could still smell her on his body. Lavender, cigarettes and sex. He missed her and by the time it was time to start packing his bag he wondered for how long he had to feel that way. He also tried to understand whát made him feel that way. Had he, without realising it, fallen back into his old behaviour of wanting to sleep with women to kill time on the road? Was there, even though he never thought about it, something wrong with his marriage? The answer was no and the answer to what made him feel this way was simple.

It was Georgia.

It was good that he was leaving that night, or so he told himself. She would go back to New York and he would go back on his world tour and it would be better for everyone. 

Chapter 11

ELEVEN

When she opened her eyes the following morning, the intimate setting she found herself in made her smile. She felt his upper leg warm against hers and one of her hands rested on his bare chest. It was actually a lot like last morning with one big difference. It had happened, and the stickiness between her legs was a gentle extra reminder of that fact.

She needed a few moments to get the facts straight though. She was a 24-year old ballet dancer lying in bed with a married rock star in his late 40s. Very late 40s, she corrected herself. And with that man she just spent what turned out to be the most passionate night of her life. She felt guilty and was scared of what would happen when he would wake up. She expected that he would ask her to leave as soon as he did. She reached out her hand to gently follow the lines of his face with her fingers, trying to memorize every inch of it. Tonight he would be gone and she better remember every single detail of this night because she had a feeling that was all she could ever have of him. Then his eyes fluttered open and he smiled. “Morning baby,” he whispered and he leaned in to kiss her softly.

“Oh God, this is bad, I mean what do I know about you anyway?” He chuckled and pulled his arms around her. Somewhat surprised with how much he didn’t want to let go. “A simple good morning would have done but alright… listen: “I know you are not like that. I’ve known from the moment I first saw you. Hell… Why else would I have tried so hard to get you to talk to me?” He saw how she smiled a little as she tilted her head to look up at him. "This doesn't make me feel better..." she said. He tucked a string of hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek with a finger. “No? So… what do you wanna know?” he said and she laughed and sighed. “It’s not that simple, I am surprised that you haven’t kicked me out yet anyway.” He fell silent for a moment. “Despite what I told you the other night, me too.”

She turned around now, to be able to look at him. She wondered if that meant that she wasn’t the only one who felt like this. Scared but hopeful, surprised. He interrupted her dreamy thoughts, typically, as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and scratched his groin. “I need to go pee, don’t you dare leave, woman,” he said. It was the second time he asked her to stay and it surprised her again. “Do you have cigarettes in here somewhere?” she shouted while he was in the bathroom and he smiled to himself. “On the nightstand.”

When he came back in she was sat in the middle of the bed, the sheets covering one leg and the part he craved for, already again. She was smoking a cigarette and had obviously tried to tame her wild hair but her loose curls were still tangled and a whole lot messier than usual. She blew out some smoke and he wonder if she ever realised what just a movement of those full pink lips could do to a man’s mind. “Don’t you have some massive sold out stadium concert to go to today?” she then said as she watched him walk back to the bed. “I don’t know, who’s playing tonight?” he replied and smiled as she laughed. “I was just trying to show some interest…” she said and finished her cigarette. He saw how she tensed her stomach muscles as she leaned in to throw the cigarette in the ashtray on the bedside table. He chuckled. “If you were interested you would have known that I told you days ago that I only did two shows here and that we are leaving tonight.” She nodded her head and whispered: “I know you are leaving…”

He stood by the edge of the bed and the bulge in his boxers caught her attention. “Are you sure you just want to chat though?” she said as she made her way over to him on her knees. He rested his arms on her small bare shoulders and bend over to kiss her. She smelled like him, like sex and tasted like that mixed with cigarettes. He groaned as she started to stroke him through the thin fabric of his boxers. He leaned in to brush his lips upon her collarbone and slowly started to make his way downwards, not leaving a single part of her skin untouched. She moaned softly when his tongue found the dampness between her legs. And he worked her slowly and tender. He laid his strong hands down on her bare knees and pushed them further apart to give himself full access. She grew dizzy with lust and contradicting thoughts fighting each other . She buried her hands in his hair but fell back on the mattress as he brought her closer to a climax. He threw her legs over his shoulders and she curved her back when he released her. Quicker than she would have wanted. When he heard her say his name he couldn’t wait any longer. He got back on to the bed himself as well and put her on his lap. He didn’t want until the haze of her intense orgasm had cleared. This time they were able to make it last longer. It seemed never ending they finally collapsed on the bed they both drifted off and fell peacefully asleep on the drenched sheets.

“Jon?” she said as she woke up only half an hour later feeling restless as she suddenly remembered she had rehearsals today. It was a tradition to do the first rehearsal of the new season during the trip. She rolled over and found him on his stomach, his head resting on his crossed arms and he was looking at her. She laid her chin down on his shoulder. “What?”

“What time is it?” she asked and vhe chuckled. “The look on your face tells me it’s time for you to leave,” he said as he sat up and reached over to get his phone. “It’s four to eleven.” The next moment he watched her jump off the bed to search for her clothes.

“For fucks sake…” she mumbled as the trail of clothes led her all the way back to the couch in the living era of his room. He chuckled as she came back in, getting dressed while she walked. “What’s waiting out there baby?” he said and couldn’t help but smile. She pulled a tortured face at him as she ran off to the bathroom and came back with an even more tortured look on her face. “I look like a total mess,” she said, attempting to finger-comb her hair.

“You look hot and… fucked… but you still haven’t answered my question.” That finally caught her attention and she stopped with whatever it was she was trying to do. She looked up at him and roughly tucked a string of hair behind her ear. “A big group of professional ballet dancers and Lodinski and the first rehearsal of the season. And rumour has it that one of the girls is about to lose her professionalism and status because she spent the whole damn night fucking some rock star.”

“Some language for a ballet dancer,” he said. If she kept calling him rock star he would refer to her as ballet dancer. Although last night and this morning he learned that it was something he could take advantage of as well.

“So tell me Georgia, when will you be back?” he asked as she walked to the door and he still didn’t move. She didn’t know if she wanted him to either.

“Probably around seven… will you… be gone by then?”

He shook his head slowly. “Probably not.”

She didn’t know what to say because she genuinely didn’t know how to feel about that, so she didn’t say a thing. Instead she raised a hand and said: “bye.”

He imitated her gesture and grinned. “Bye Georgia.”

As she left he stared at the door for a few seconds, then he forced himself to get up and drag himself towards to shower. He better show his face to some band mates before they would think he died. A ballet dancer, he thought to himself. An damn what a gorgeous one she was.

Chapter 10

TEN.

That was his cue to step forward. He chuckled. “That’s right…” Where he started off slowly he now couldn’t control himself any longer. He put his hands on her hips. He lifted her from the ground and she wrapped her legs around his waist. The kiss they shared was urgent and determined. Her full lips were soft and tasted of wine, cigarettes and coconut ice she probably had for dessert. By the time they reached the bedroom they both needed a break to catch their breaths. But her vampiresque light brown eyes were wild and she used their pause to pull his t-shirt over his head. He took his chance to take off her top. She still didn’t realise that he didn’t win. He lost, and he was about to risk to lose a whole lot more. For a split second he thought about his family back home, his wife, but when he looked down at her small naked shoulders, and the full breasts in her black lace bra, he just knew he would not regret it.

They stood like that, their chests rising and falling quickly, for five, maybe six seconds. If either of them wanted to stop it, that would have been the moment to do it. But she didn’t and he couldn’t. He closed the gap between them again and pushed her backwards towards the bed while they deepened the kiss. She walked backwards with his hands firm on her hips until she bumped her calves against the bed and had no other choice but to sit down on it. It gave her perfect access to the button and zipper on his pants and she took advantage of it. Opening them before she slid his pants down his legs. A part of her was surprised that he allowed her to do it, but after he kicked his pants aside, so they landed on her top beside the bed, he grabbed her hands and pulled her back on her feet. His hands slid down her sides to her legs and he slid her leggings and panties down them at the same time. She lifted each foot to step out of them. Then he pushed her on to the bed again and she pushed herself further on the mattress using her elbows and feet. He took off his boxers and followed. When he lifted himself on top of her she could feel him pressing against her belly. A soft moan escaped her when he lightly bit at her chin before his lips found hers again. He grabbed her breasts that thrust forward against his chest with every breath she took. They kissed long to make up for all the time they wasted playing games this week.

Jon wasn’t a typical big man. The fact that she only reached to his shoulder didn’t mean he was tall. Because he wasn’t really. He had really beautiful muscular strong arms, but a small waist. Even so, when he finally raised himself above her, it made her feel so tiny and small. He was so muscular, but it wasn't just that. It was also the way he carried himself. The things he said, and did. She wanted to say something, encourage him,  but she could see that he didn’t need to be told what to do. And if there was anything  she learned about him so far, it was that he never did.

She closed her eyes when she felt how he started to lower himself towards her, but then he stopped. She trembled as she could already feel his tip pressing against her urgently. “Look at me,” he whispered as he bend over to her ear. And she did. A slight gasp escaped from the both of them when he entered her then. He watched in satisfaction as her lips parted. Every part of her beautiful body betrayed how she was waiting for him to take her but he held still right until she moved her hips up against his. That was his cue to start moving. Slowly yet urgently. She wrapped herself around him to pull him deeper inside. Her moans were unsteady.

“That’s my girl,” he whispered softly in her ear as he held still for a moment. Jon wasn’t a talker, but there was something about her that brought it up in him. She tensed her muscles around him and he began to move again, increasing the rhythm slowly but certainly now. She tilted her head a little to reach for his lips and dug her short nails into the sweaty skin on his back. He drew a wet pattern from her neck and right ear towards her lips with his tongue.

There was a moment where she believed he was going to kill her. He took possession of her body in a way she had never experienced before and all she wanted to do was beg him to stop, to go on, to never stop again. Jon could feel her tremble and knew she was close.

“wait for me baby,” he simply said and for a moment Georgia feared she would actually die, or explode, either, both.

The orgasm she felt travelling up her body was so intense that she grabbed the sheets beneath her  with one hand and dug the nails of her other hand deeper in his back while she arched her own. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and sunk into her one last time before they exploded in pleasure. He pressed his forehead against her shoulder. “Fuck,” he groaned, wrapped her in his arms and turned them around.

Georgia landed on his chest, leaning on her elbows on each side of him. She felt the sweat running down her back and she followed a drop that made its way down his beautiful jaw, with her eyes. He combed his fingers through her moist hair and stared in her bewildered eyes. Neither of them spoke for a while and he held her tight while a few strong aftershocks went through her body. When Georgia lifted her head again she whispered breathlessly. 

“Wow… that was... intense...”

He lifted an eyebrow and chuckled softly. “I don’t know whether I should be flattered or hurt because you sound surprised.”

“Definitely no compliment,” she smiled playfully at him. He laughed and crawled up from underneath her. Forcing her to sit up on his lap as well. He was still hard and he kissed her quickly.

“That’s what I thought… good thing I am far from done with you…”

Chapter 9

NINE

He opened the door and looked freshly showered. It was nearly half past one but apparently he put his clothes back on. Her own skin was still glowing from the long bath she took before she went over to his room. She kind of hoped that it would change her mind about doing it, or that he would be asleep by the time she would appear. “Hi,” he said and opened the door further to invite her in.

“So here I am, alone, there is no man in my room, you can check if you want, or have you already? Since you seem to spy on me for a hobby or something.”

He closed the door and she sat down on his couch. She had quite a big room herself but the living era of his suite was the size of her whole room. He headed over to the minibar and poured her a glass of wine without asking her if she wanted one.

“Like I tried to explain to you before, I am not spying on you, maybe there is a reason why we keep running in to each other.”

He pulled a meaningful face at her as he carried the two glasses to the table and sat down on the couch next to her.

To give herself something to do she picked up her glass and took a sip from the cool wine.

“So aren’t you going to ask me what the show was like?” he then said realising she wasn't going to answer and he leaned a little towards her.

She shook her head and slowly ran her forefinger around the rim of her glass. “No, I’m sorry.”

“Because you don’t care?” she could hear the amusement in his voice. He didn’t even try to hide it.

“No, and because we both know that it was a great show anyway, you guys have been doing this for so long, there’s no such thing as good and band shows.”

“And you know that because?”

She shrugged her shoulders and eventually put her glass back on the table. She looked at him. “Am I wrong?”

He didn’t answer her question directly. “But there are good and bad crowds…”

She nodded: “So, was it a good audience?”

He laughed softly and got up. She followed him with her eyes as he crossed the room. He picked up a black jeans jacket that laid on a desk and got a pack of cigarettes out.

“Yes, thanks for asking.” He lit two cigarettes and offered her one. She willingly accepted it and inhaled deeply. She was aware that he was looking at her but that was alright now she knew it. 

“When are you leaving?” she suddenly asked.

“Tomorrow night,” he let out a sigh and the smoke escaped with the air. “what about you?”

“The day after…” she took another drag and waited for him to say something. When he didn’t she added: “That means we are really close to making it through this week without…”

He bend over to put out his cigarette in the heavy glass ashtray that stood on the dark wood table in front of them.

“Without what?” he said and looked aside at her while he sat back again.

“Fucking…”

His eyes widened. This was the first time she was that direct and it didn’t make it any easier for him to resist her. He instantly lit a second cigarette and looked at her in the meantime. It was the first time he saw her without any make-up on but he hardly noticed a difference. Her eyes were just as light and her skin as smooth and light as ever. She wore black leggings, a black top and a pastel pink knitted cardigan. She didn’t make an effort at all, and he loved that. She wore flip-flops and it showed him two bruised, sore feet. But that was probably just what ballerina feet looked like permanently. He was also kind of glad to discover at least one flaw, but that only made her more beautiful at the same time.  

He looked at her with dark eyes. “So… than this would be the moment where we decide if that is how we want to leave this goddamn place," he said.

She was aware of the fact that her breathing increased a little. On any other night she would have blamed the wine as she slid towards him and took his cigarette out of his hands. But she knew that something else was guiding her now. It was desire, longing that build up inside her for days. She put it in the ashtray and during the moment that followed they just sat and looked at each other. Then he reached towards her and she swallowed hard when he caressed her throat and her cheeks with two of his fingers. He went on to her upper arm and lightly brushed the back of his hand across her breast. With his other hand he slowly put her hair loose and it fell down around her shoulders, and over her breasts in long blonde waves. She opened her mouth to stop him one last time. But she was unable to speak.

They stood up in one synchronised move and he slid her cardigan down her shoulders. It fell at her feet and she looked up at him. Awaiting his next move, instead of trying to take control as she should have. He stood there and watched her for a moment. “Say it…” he said, almost in a whisper. His voice was a little more hoarse than usual.

She didn’t know what he wanted to hear. She didn’t know what he meant but there was only one thing she wanted him to know at that moment. One thing that would let him know he had her right where he wanted her to be. She didn’t know if she would regret it, if she would hate herself the following morning. But something had changed. She didn’t want to think about it anymore. Going home without knowing suddenly seemed impossible. Stupid even because everything about him told her it was going to be worth it. 

“You won.” 

Chapter 8

EIGHT

“Jon…” It wasn’t a question, or a demand. She was begging him to let go. She grabbed his hands and peeled them off her arms. As soon as he loosened his grip, she stood up and walked around the couch to give herself some distance. He crawled back up on the couch and she eventually sat down on the table in front of him.

“Why don’t you just give up, I’m sure there are plenty women in this hotel who can satisfy you… I can set you up with someone if you want me to,” she said and looked at him. He sighed and pulled a hand through his hair.

“Because that’s not what I am looking for. You can set me up with twenty of them and I’ll still find myself at your door.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think you would be able to walk after twenty women, Jon. I know your self-esteem is very high and shit but you are fifty years old.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her and smiled despite the fact that she annoyed him because she didn’t take his comment seriously, the one time he tried to be.

“forty-nine, baby” he said. Then he chose to continue because he wanted her to see him point. “I’m not doing this because I even want to, hell I shouldn’t be here at all. It’s fucking ridiculous and you annoy the hell out of me.”

She nodded her head. “Back at ya…”

He sighed again, frustrated and she could see he was losing his patience. It frustrated her that he couldn’t see why she was being like this. She wanted him to know that she only did it because she couldn’t deal with the truth. It scared her what he just said. That he would keep coming back because he was drawn towards her. She felt the exact same thing, but unlike him she still had hope that it would go away if they just didn’t give in to it.

She was so relieved when his phone started ringing that she jumped up from the table. Glad that he had to give attention to something other than her for the first time that morning. But he didn’t move.

“Your phone is ringing,” she therefor told him.

He looked at her. “I know, but it can wait” he said and lifted his hand with his palm towards her before he rubbed his face with both his hands.

She walked over to his phone that laid on one of the chairs and looked at the screen.

“Who’s Paul?”

“Manager.”

“That sounds important, I don’t think it can wait.”

“Yes,” he said raising his voice. “It can w…””

Before he finished his sentence she already picked up his phone.

He stood up quickly and walked around the table with his hand towards her while she spoke to Paul.

“Hello?” the man on the other side was confused that a woman answered Jon’s phone. And it was probably wrong but that made her feel good because that meant it didn’t happen every day.

“Hi,” she said again to let him know she was still there. Meanwhile she was looking at Jon who stood in front of her and was making wild gestures.

“Errr… hi, is Jon… around?”

“Of course he is, hold on…” She handed the phone to Jon theatrically and he gave her a warning look before he turned his back at her and walked towards the windows, away from her.

“Who was that?” Paul asked and Jon could hear suspicion in his voice. He looked over his shoulder to Georgia who was looking back, and was way too pleased with herself.

“Nobody,” he said. He felt guilty even saying it out loud but when he looked at Georgia again she didn’t look hurt.

Paul didn’t seem to have time to ask any further questions because he changed the subject and not so gently reminded him of an interview he was supposed to have in the hotel lounge in fifteen minutes, and where the hell he was.

“Fuck,” he said as he completely forgot about that. He checked his watch and saw it was nearly half past nine. He cursed again and told Paul he was going to be there as soon as he could. “Shit,” he said again as he ended the phone call.

When he tossed his phone back on the chair and sat down to put his socks on he looked at Georgia. “What the hell did you do that for?” he asked.

“Because that is what happens when you stay over at a stranger’s woman’s place. She makes her way in to your life and people start to notice and they will ask questions and judge you and…”

He raised a hand to stop her and to let her know he was not impressed. He put his shoes on and roughly pulled at the laces before he tied them up. “That was weak, I am far from done here, and far from done with you. There is nothing you can do about it and I’m losing patience because we are running out of time.”

He walked to the door and she followed, to make sure he was really leaving.

“So,” she said: “is this were you will go all Terminator on me?”

He turned around, was about to say something, probably the quote she meant, then turned back and shook his head. Even though she did not let him say it, she knew that, no matter what, he would be back.

She rested her head against the door and thought her options through. Maybe she should go out, shopping or even to the gym downstairs. She should at least go to the restaurant to see if she could still get some breakfast. But all she really wanted to do was to spend her day off in bed. She wanted to close her eyes and escape him for a while. So that was exactly what she did, and to her relief she drifted off to a dreamless sleep. Until she woke up from her phone ringing on the empty pillow beside her. Without looking who was calling her she answered.

“Hey recluse!” it was Yasmin. Georgia rolled over to check the time on the nightstand and saw it was nearly four in the afternoon. Well done, she thought to herself. “What the hell have you been doing in your room all day?” her friend said and  Georgia was glad she could give her an honest answer: “sleeping…”

“Was the concert to emotionally draining for you?” Yasmin said and Georgia laughed even though Yasmin couldn’t understand the reason why. “You have no idea…” she said. Then Yasmin told her about her day at the pool, and a young love between a male principal and a soloist that developed there. And suddenly Georgia had another reason to be glad she stayed in bed. When Yasmin was finally done with her gossip update she suggested to grab some dinner at the hotel’s Italian restaurant together and they arranged to meet downstairs in an hour.

Before they even reached the main course Georgia realised it was the best decision she had made that day. They drank a lot of wine and had conversations about anything but ballet and Jon Bon Jovi. Georgia even started to relax and for the first time since she arrived her personal struggles with the rock star didn’t seem so important. It was almost midnight when Georgia and Yasmin said their goodbyes in the elevator and Georgia was still smiling as she headed for her door.

But her smile quickly faded away as she stepped on a piece of paper when she entered her room.. She bend over to pick it up and quickly read it.  

Saw you being beautiful at the restaurant with your girlfriend, now it’s up to you to prove there won’t be another man sleeping on your couch tonight.

Chapter 7

SEVEN

When Georgia opened her eyes the room was light and his presence was heavy beside her. She laid towards him on her right side and pulled her legs up. One of her knees rested on his hip and her hands rested on his chest. He was still peacefully asleep on his back, one hand above his head on the pillow and the other just below hers on his chest. The blanket she brought the night before laid on the floor. She looked at his face, two lids hid his blue eyes and his lips were parted slightly. Every now and then a soft sigh would escape from between them. When she stretched her legs and tried to sit up he groaned and she feared that she woke him, but after a few seconds nothing had changed and she laid back down. Keeping her legs and arms on her own small side of the couch this time. His black t-shirt came up a little and showed her a small part of his stomach. She had to fight the urge to touch it. He had opened the button on his jeans and he wasn’t wearing socks. She could only see one foot from the position she was in and could make out the contours of a tattoo on his ankle. To her that discovery was just another confirmation that she didn’t know anything about this man. She did not even know his body.

She knew she could get up and go back to her own bed. Pretend it never happened and hope he would play along to her game and leave. She knew she probably should because this should never have happened. Before last night she imagined that if anything, she would have sex with him. It would leave them both satisfied and they could go on with their lives. It would be their secret. A good memory for her, a confirmation that he still had it for him.

Instead she fell asleep in his arms and found herself in the most intimate setting the morning after. Even though they were still dressed. Waking up with him like this was worse than anything they could have done. It was real, pure. Not something that happened in the dark after a long night of drinking, that she could either forget about or cherish. This wasn’t up to her to decide. The room was filled with weak morning light that crept in through the closed blinds and she had been completely sober when she laid down with him the night before.

He sighed softly when he turned towards her and his arm fell over her waist loosely. The feeling of her beside him seemed to wake him. He opened his eyes and she could see the worry behind them when he looked at her. She also saw how it all came back to him slowly, and he didn’t make a comment about her while he easily could have. He didn’t tell her how he won, that she gave in, that she wasn’t so strong after all. He did not even say anything flirty or sexual, while he had slid one of his legs between her bare ones while he turned before he woke up. He didn’t say a thing. But the silence spoke for itself. It let her know he understood what this meant, and that frightened her more than anything.

For too long he just laid there and looked at her. He could see the fear he felt, reflected in her eyes as she stared back at him. He didn’t know what to do, swallowed every word that he could have said. He wasn’t prepared to feel what he felt right now. Not for another woman. Not for someone he did not know at all. He didn’t even know it was possible. He wondered if it was too late to get up and run, but realised that would only confirm what she thought about him. And now they ended up like this he had to prove to her that he was not that kind of guy. That he didn’t want to be in this situation as much as she didn’t. He slowly moved his hand up towards her face that looked so natural, so beautiful in the morning light.

She needed space. She felt imprisoned between the couch and his body and she needed to get out of there to think clearly. So before he could rest his hand on his cheek, she stood up on the couch and stepped over him on to the carpet without touching him. She sat down on the carpet with her back towards him against the couch and pulled her legs up. She felt how he sat up as well and his feet appeared beside her on the carpet. He stayed that way and they waited for each other to say something. She wished she knew what he was thinking. Why he still hadn’t left, but that was probably because he was still waiting for his chance. She felt weak, tired although she slept all night without waking up once. Which was something else she didn’t want to think about for too long. She hated to imagine how he could have woken up that night to look at her like she had just looked at him without him knowing. That made her feel too vulnerable.

She closed her eyes for a second when she sensed how he lowered himself on to the carpet beside her. They sat like that for a while until she gave in and looked at him.

“So…” he said, “are you coming to the show tonight?”

She didn’t know what to think of his question. From all the things she had imagined he could say, she had not seen this coming. But she couldn’t help but laugh. Somehow it fit in with the way they communicated so far perfectly. He chuckled as well. But when she shook her head and said: “hell, no.” he laughed louder. Georgia pictured what they looked like at that moment. Sitting side by side on the carpet. He was still fully dressed, while she was wearing a sweater and a pair of black lace panties. Two strangers with a desperate but unexplainable need to be together while they could fill books with reasons why they shouldn’t be. She was no longer looking at him but she felt he was looking at her. She turned her full body towards him. It gave him the opportunity to grab her upper arms and when she felt how her body responded to that innocent but firm grip around her arms she admitted to herself what she had known since they first looked at each other in the conference room.

She never stood a chance against him. 

Chapter 6

SIX

After she closed the door she changed to an oversized NYC ballet sweater and went to bed right away hoping she would fall asleep. She was exhausted. Not just because of the workshop and the concert but also because of her thoughts. And because of him. And that was exactly why she tossed and turned in her bed for hours while her mind decided to entertain her with flashbacks to moments she had spent with him. Mixed with things she felt and words he said.

A few doors down the hallway Jon didn’t even go to bed at all. He knew there was no need to try. He was restless. So he wandered around the massive suite that had never felt so big before, smoked cigarette after cigarette, took a couple beers from the minibar and tried to watch some tv. But he knew that there was only one thing that could give him some peace of mind. He needed to know why.

**

Georgia was somewhere between awake and asleep when someone knocked on her door. Expecting it to be Yasmin who realised she lost her key while she was on her way back from the party, she didn’t bother to put some pants on when she headed for the door. And before she had a chance to stop him, he stepped alongside her. By the time she closed the door he stood in the middle of the living era of her room and turned around at her.

“I need to know Georgia… why don’t you want to have sex with me?”

While she walked towards where he was standing, the meaning of his words slowly started to sink in. At first she tried to pull her sweater down over her butt but then she realised she didn’t care that he saw her like this. His behaviour was way more shameless than her outfit anyway.

“Did you really come over here in the middle of the fucking night to ask me why I don’t want to sleep with you?!”

She couldn’t believe this was really happening. “Your ego must be even bigger than I thought it was, damn…”

When she put it like that, he had to admit it did sound crazy. Not something a married 49 year old was supposed to do. But he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of admitting it to her. Instead he sighed and looked at her. To his surprise she started to talk.

 “I think you know as well as I do why we can’t do it. You must have felt it, it was right there when I first saw you. I remember I was laughing about your age with a friend when she told me you were actually hot…” she laughed despite herself as he pulled a face at her. “No offence,” she said and continued: “but when you looked at me… We are going to get ourselves in some serious trouble if we do this and you know it.”

She couldn’t believe she just said that. She must have been so overwhelmed by his sudden visit that she wasn’t able to think clearly. But she also knew that it was true and by admitting it to him, she could no longer hide from it herself.

He pulled a hand through his hair and looked at her. She had the most intense eyes he had ever seen. In the lightest of brown. Because she wore such a big sweater, she looked even smaller. And she barely reached to his shoulders anyway. She crossed her arms in front of her and was waiting for his reaction. But he knew he wasn’t ready to admit that he knew what she was talking about. He had felt it. It was the reason why he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

“But I don’t want to leave this place not knowing what it is like…” he said and she sighed, frustrated.

 “Just once,” he added.

She laughed a joyless laugh. “I have done many things in my life but negotiating about sex is not one of them.”

He spread his hands in front of him. “That makes it a first for the both of us.” She sat down in a chair and rested her elbows on her knees and her forehead in her hands. He didn’t sit down.

“Of course that’s a first for you, you probably never had trouble getting the girl you wanted.”

When she looked up at him he looked back at her sideways. “Don’t be like that, you’re not a fucking saint either. I just know you ain’t.”

She looked away guiltily. Of course he was right.

“Besides… you have a wife, kids!” she tried.

He quickly turned around and she knew right away she shouldn’t have said it.

“Don’t!” he raised one hand “bring my kids into this, they have nothing to do with this.” He said it with such force that it scared her and she stood up again as well.

“I’m sorry,” she said and meant it. He chose to leave it at that and continued, more calm this time.

“You know this is different Georgia, you said it yourself.”

“If it is, that’s even more reason to leave it this way because this isn’t going anywhere.”

He sighed. “Just remember that I will be here for two more days and then I’m gone.”

“It is about time…”

Georgia used the silence that followed to walk to the minibar to get herself a bottle of water. The digital clock on the fridge told her that it was just after three in the morning. Her throat was dry and her head was pounding. For a second she wished this trip would have been just like all the others. Boring and rockstar-less.

She asked if he wanted something as well and he shook his head. To give him a reason to leave she said: “well, at least you got your answers…”

“Yeah…” he said. “So this is the moment where I should go, right?”

“Yeah, but you are not going to, are you?” He shook his head regrettably. “Nah..”

She took a deep breath and decided not to fight him any longer. “Then you’ll have to make yourself comfortable on the couch because I am going back to bed.”

He walked to the couch, sat down and put his feet up on the small glass table in front of it. The arrogant look he gave her made her smile and she turned away.

“Good night, Jon.”

“Sweet dreams baby.”

By the time she hit the bed for the second time that night, she was so tired she expected she would fall asleep right away. But it was him who was keeping her awake one again. Even though there was a closed door in between them, she could feel his presence so strong that it felt as if he was lying next to her. And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he had been. Was it even worth to keep on fighting while she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to win?

When he woke up he was surprised that he managed to fall asleep. She stood beside him and was about to put a blanket over him. “In case you get cold,” she whispered and he smiled at her weak excuse. He reached out his hand to her and gently put her down on the couch. This time he wasn’t surprised when she didn’t fight him. He knew it was the only reason why she came back to the living room. She laid down between the back rest and his body and he pulled her close. She didn’t speak and for the first time he couldn’t think of something to say either. He watched how she closed her eyes and felt how she relaxed in his arms while she slowly drifted away.