Chapter 6

SIX

After she closed the door she changed to an oversized NYC ballet sweater and went to bed right away hoping she would fall asleep. She was exhausted. Not just because of the workshop and the concert but also because of her thoughts. And because of him. And that was exactly why she tossed and turned in her bed for hours while her mind decided to entertain her with flashbacks to moments she had spent with him. Mixed with things she felt and words he said.

A few doors down the hallway Jon didn’t even go to bed at all. He knew there was no need to try. He was restless. So he wandered around the massive suite that had never felt so big before, smoked cigarette after cigarette, took a couple beers from the minibar and tried to watch some tv. But he knew that there was only one thing that could give him some peace of mind. He needed to know why.

**

Georgia was somewhere between awake and asleep when someone knocked on her door. Expecting it to be Yasmin who realised she lost her key while she was on her way back from the party, she didn’t bother to put some pants on when she headed for the door. And before she had a chance to stop him, he stepped alongside her. By the time she closed the door he stood in the middle of the living era of her room and turned around at her.

“I need to know Georgia… why don’t you want to have sex with me?”

While she walked towards where he was standing, the meaning of his words slowly started to sink in. At first she tried to pull her sweater down over her butt but then she realised she didn’t care that he saw her like this. His behaviour was way more shameless than her outfit anyway.

“Did you really come over here in the middle of the fucking night to ask me why I don’t want to sleep with you?!”

She couldn’t believe this was really happening. “Your ego must be even bigger than I thought it was, damn…”

When she put it like that, he had to admit it did sound crazy. Not something a married 49 year old was supposed to do. But he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of admitting it to her. Instead he sighed and looked at her. To his surprise she started to talk.

 “I think you know as well as I do why we can’t do it. You must have felt it, it was right there when I first saw you. I remember I was laughing about your age with a friend when she told me you were actually hot…” she laughed despite herself as he pulled a face at her. “No offence,” she said and continued: “but when you looked at me… We are going to get ourselves in some serious trouble if we do this and you know it.”

She couldn’t believe she just said that. She must have been so overwhelmed by his sudden visit that she wasn’t able to think clearly. But she also knew that it was true and by admitting it to him, she could no longer hide from it herself.

He pulled a hand through his hair and looked at her. She had the most intense eyes he had ever seen. In the lightest of brown. Because she wore such a big sweater, she looked even smaller. And she barely reached to his shoulders anyway. She crossed her arms in front of her and was waiting for his reaction. But he knew he wasn’t ready to admit that he knew what she was talking about. He had felt it. It was the reason why he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

“But I don’t want to leave this place not knowing what it is like…” he said and she sighed, frustrated.

 “Just once,” he added.

She laughed a joyless laugh. “I have done many things in my life but negotiating about sex is not one of them.”

He spread his hands in front of him. “That makes it a first for the both of us.” She sat down in a chair and rested her elbows on her knees and her forehead in her hands. He didn’t sit down.

“Of course that’s a first for you, you probably never had trouble getting the girl you wanted.”

When she looked up at him he looked back at her sideways. “Don’t be like that, you’re not a fucking saint either. I just know you ain’t.”

She looked away guiltily. Of course he was right.

“Besides… you have a wife, kids!” she tried.

He quickly turned around and she knew right away she shouldn’t have said it.

“Don’t!” he raised one hand “bring my kids into this, they have nothing to do with this.” He said it with such force that it scared her and she stood up again as well.

“I’m sorry,” she said and meant it. He chose to leave it at that and continued, more calm this time.

“You know this is different Georgia, you said it yourself.”

“If it is, that’s even more reason to leave it this way because this isn’t going anywhere.”

He sighed. “Just remember that I will be here for two more days and then I’m gone.”

“It is about time…”

Georgia used the silence that followed to walk to the minibar to get herself a bottle of water. The digital clock on the fridge told her that it was just after three in the morning. Her throat was dry and her head was pounding. For a second she wished this trip would have been just like all the others. Boring and rockstar-less.

She asked if he wanted something as well and he shook his head. To give him a reason to leave she said: “well, at least you got your answers…”

“Yeah…” he said. “So this is the moment where I should go, right?”

“Yeah, but you are not going to, are you?” He shook his head regrettably. “Nah..”

She took a deep breath and decided not to fight him any longer. “Then you’ll have to make yourself comfortable on the couch because I am going back to bed.”

He walked to the couch, sat down and put his feet up on the small glass table in front of it. The arrogant look he gave her made her smile and she turned away.

“Good night, Jon.”

“Sweet dreams baby.”

By the time she hit the bed for the second time that night, she was so tired she expected she would fall asleep right away. But it was him who was keeping her awake one again. Even though there was a closed door in between them, she could feel his presence so strong that it felt as if he was lying next to her. And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he had been. Was it even worth to keep on fighting while she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to win?

When he woke up he was surprised that he managed to fall asleep. She stood beside him and was about to put a blanket over him. “In case you get cold,” she whispered and he smiled at her weak excuse. He reached out his hand to her and gently put her down on the couch. This time he wasn’t surprised when she didn’t fight him. He knew it was the only reason why she came back to the living room. She laid down between the back rest and his body and he pulled her close. She didn’t speak and for the first time he couldn’t think of something to say either. He watched how she closed her eyes and felt how she relaxed in his arms while she slowly drifted away.